|
|
|
|
|
| ||||||||||||||||||||||
           
|
The Opal Dream - July 15, 1999Posted by Bryant McGill on Sunday, January 7, 2007 at 9:30:31 PMFirst of all, I have very strange dreams. I also write my dreams down rather frequently. I had this dream three nights in a row. I suppose that with a dream like this I need to also say, no I do not use ANY drugs. I do not drink or smoke either. My dreams all tend to be very long and vivid. This was one of those strange dreams, where I thought I was awake. Like other nights I sat reading, contemplating and writing. As I wrote I held in my other hand the queen of all gemstones; a brilliant precious opal. I knew that within the opal's labyrinthine nebula of fires and color lay the inspiration of the world if ever it was needed. No tarry of pen or thought could endure with but one look into her fiery heart. For were the expanses of the universe to ever be contained they would abide in the effulgent opal's blaze. There was one very dim light in the room and quietness was everywhere. All that day I had been pondering my mortality. I had been asking myself the questions that all of us ask at times. I wondered about death and my own thoughts. I wondered if I had a soul. I wondered whether I would go on after death. I wondered who I was, and who we, were. I missed my departed loved ones and feared the departure of those living. I was grief stricken by how little we know of our history and ourselves. The reality of such a short life angered me while confusing thoughts of eternity frustrated me. In my pondering I wrote lines of these questions and fears. When contemplation gave my writing pause I would tumble the opal in my fingers and catch a faint sliver of fire, as it somehow was still alive in this dark room, and somehow kept alive my muse amidst these dark thoughts. But then came a question and a pause, which was not illuminated by the opal's gleam. It was a child's question and for a moment I laughed at the naivet of is petition. I was ashamed for an instant at my asking of such a silly thing, but my embarrassment quickly sobered as I realized it was a question I had never before asked. It was so novel and inexplicable I wondered if any human had ever asked it before. Had it ever been pondered by anyone in any time? It seemed to me unlikely that it had ever before been conceived, and my once sobered embarrassment turned to a queer discomfort as my own thoughts and question somehow alarmed me. I felt fear. I lifted the opal closer to my eyes and began to rotate it in my fingers. While spinning it I looked at my hands and fingers moving and I marveled at the artistic mechanics of it all. I was astonished that I could command such a ballet of motion only by my thoughts. As I guided the movement of this fleshy promenade of my hands I ask the child's question again. I noticed that my heart was beating quickly and my breathing brisk. Again, I ask the child's question as I spun the opal, and from amidst the dim glitter of fire erupted a sharp and swift flicker of brilliant color and with it my anxiety seemed to multiply by my fear. My immediate reaction was to throw it away from my sight but my fear of not knowing was greater than my fear of this unknown. I looked deep into the stone and the question of how such a bright flash of fire came from its core in this dim room terrified me. With hesitation I whispered the child's question again and it was as though the fire of heaven's aurora borealis exploded from within the opal's chamber. It seemed so deliberate it was as though something was alive within it. The flash subsided but left the fire standing brighter than any light in the room. Every normal creak and noise around me terrified me as my senses were acute and my heart and breath quick, yet I could not force my eyes to stop looking upon this enigmatic gem. Greater than my fear was my spellbinding grip on the soothing luster of this kaleidoscopic inferno. Resplendent hues of unfathomable color and fire leapt from its form. My eyes and entire being were imbued with its visual harmonies of color. There were greens that left jealousy without color, and greens with depths that paled rich emeralds to light jades. Opulent blends danced before me like infinite shards of light infused with a cosmos of motley infinitudes of reds like blood red roses; deeper than any crimson, ruby oxblood red. Sapphire blues shifted before my eyes from turquoise and cerulean to cobalt salted glass with depths like the heart of the ocean; azure visions crisp as any July sky and as sullen as the most beautiful blue eyes loves envy has ever known. My lips tautly formed the shape of the first word of the child's question and it was as though I stood before some great precipice, and fear of height, falling and uncertainty filled me with anxieties as complex and abysmal as the stones flaming spectrum. No lust could crave the words of this question, as did my lips wanton utterance. Before I had finished the question the precious jewel again erupted with a fiery brilliance that this time seemed to escaped its own mysterious hollows into the real world becoming heat, sound and existent. I remember feeling helpless as though I could not go back and I lost all willful control of my body as though paralyzed. A warm sapphire blue flame appeared to reach into my chest and warmed my very blood. The heated blood moved outward from my chest toward to my legs, arms and head, and with it a calming amity. The closer it moved to my head the warmer I became as I felt it moving through me pulsating in rhythmic waves of heat. The waves grew quicker from a lulling, pulsing wave to a steady, low vibrating-hum, which sounded like a million soothing androgynous voices singing; but not human. These voices were almost like quiet warm winds on a summer night in the south; heavy and humid; or maybe like the tinder sweet breath of a lover, or some calming whisper of truth. In whole, it was unlike anything I have ever sensed. The peace of it all was consuming. It was vision too, but it was neither vision nor sound. It moved like both yet was unlike either. I could not tell if it was sound, sight or feeling but it seemed more like colorful sounds and certainly moved by waves. It was a concentrated tone of pure beauty and if a sound could glow or a light sing then this one did. Like the touching moments when listening to a beautiful singer and your eyes are overcome with tears simply because of the beautiful note; it overcame me but had nothing to do with emotion but rather harmony. It was a quickening of tears but more powerful than any such moment ever experienced by all humanity throughout time flooding in at an instant. It was dizzying. The singing waves of color moved back and fourth as a harmonic shift from left to right and from chest to toe. And as it moved closer to my head it seemed to seductively become as my own breath that moved within me. It seemed as though my heart beat, breath and blood flowing all reverberated with this soothing desire which was demanding I give my self to its calling. Every cell of my body; trillions of them seemed to come alive with intelligence and welcome the sound and light as though two long parted friends saw each other for the first time and moved toward one another with opened arms and joy. I was aware of every cell and every cell aware of me. The blue flames were warm like a friend and the green flames were as chilling as looking from two inches into a hungry tiger's eye. I could feel something powerful and frightening about the green waves. They seemed to lust after my blood and my blood seemed to run from them like prey from a predator. And as my blood ran from these emerald waves of flame my blood also ran toward the blue waves a friend. I was sure this motion overcame my beating heart and as my heart stopped this was how my blood was flowing; it was flowing out of want and fear. As I became more light-headed my vision, feeling, breath and very life resonated with the pulsating flames waving. Saturating my entire being the colorful waves began to intensify faster and faster and faster! I was sure my body would explode from the inside out if these powerful fields of waving flames had not contained it. The pulsation was followed by the reply of every single cell in my body. They all seemed to chant like numberless beings of intelligence in some cult like ritual of my blood. As it quickened faster and more powerful it was no longer each cell but every atom. With an enormous jolt into unconsciousness I felt every particle of my being disburse at once into something so powerful that it seemed as thought the wrath of God or a billion atomic explosions erupted from my mind and body sending me at once into oblivion. I awoke (in my dream) in complete darkness. There was no sound, no temperature and I could not feel my body nor move. I could however think. I felt like I was buried alive. The secrets of nature and the hearts of men lay cluttered about my brow in the heat convections of flames and organized light waves. All colors moving; jostling my mind into understanding words not spoken yet heard. As it whispered before me the voice took a form and the form emerged out of the waving flames. It was neither plant nor animal, yet appeared closest to a stalk. It was a stalk like a sugar cane but shorter and thicker. It grew with roots deep in the waves below my feet. The waves moved through me saying this is like your flesh. It was not really flesh but that is as close as I can understand. It was abstract. It was not flesh but some other harmony of light and darkness; of color and motion; of quiet lulls and loud vibrations. We are that which exists between them. They pivot and rest with us between them like the horizon between sky and earth, or the moment of death between your breathing out and before you have taken air again. It is this moment between light and darkness, between sound and silence, between motion and still where we exits as a pivot to its opposition. It makes us but we make it. This moves forever and is the power that gives life. It called out in waves of this type and I knew the thoughts. It meant we were like this stalk. We are not humans; we only believe we are; it told me that we are defined by what we are confined by. The stalk is like our bodies. You are not your fourm, and you are not your sex. The warmth spoke that the stalk is just the shell. You are the sweetness the vibrations moved but you think you are the stalk. It repeated over and over in sets of motions that seemed to last for a thousand years. You are the sweetness but you think you are the stalk. We are the sweetness. We are not human. That is only what we see because we have not learned to look beyond our own position. Our position only contains us, but we are the sweetness inside. The waves and vibrations turned to convulsions and it spoke: You are also the bitterness! Next vibrations waved to visions showing fields that ran from time begin to time end yet there wa neither a beginning or end. As soon as it stopped it started again running into itself like a mirror into new fields forever. It ran in a circle and the rows of stalks ran in spirals and the spirals spun forever into a helix that ran from a single point with an infinite view of fields forever. These twines of helix each as large as eternity ran like atomic silk from the surface to the core of the sphere. They formed its shape and the light from their fractal threads shimmered with a waving light filled with a forever of universes glowing with a precision that seemed to blend into my own sight becoming invisible but visible. It was like the surface of a sphere you could hold in your hand that imploded forever into itself and forever outside itself, and the inside connected in circles to the outside and thus it stood there like an object to be held in my hand, yet it seemed to hold me. It contained universe with expanses of never ending fields of rows of stalks in fields on worlds in universes everlastingly. I was afraid I would be lost in it if I held it. The vibration poured over me and said you are the same. There in your hand is the sphere of your nature. Forever expanding into the stalks, rows, fields, worlds, suns, universes, spheres, hands that hold and learn and hold and forms that believe they are one thing when in fact they are all things. All your questions will be answered as the voids define the forms. All your beginnings brought to ends; all you ends made anew. The energy released by these oppositions in collision is what you call life. You are those unanswered questions and the answers are shaped by what you fill your voids of knowledge with. You are the inner intent of matter. You may become the form of your choosing by your own answers and questions; though many are formed by the question alone. Then I woke up. [ View Thread on Community | Post a Reply or Comment | Sign-Up For an Account ] Comments & RepliesRe: The Opal Dream - July 15, 1999Comment by Sillywabbit on Sunday, January 7, 2007 at 9:59:46 PM
Re: The Opal Dream - July 15, 1999 Comment by Aloverssunset on Sunday, January 7, 2007 at 11:04:56 PM
Re: The Opal Dream - July 15, 1999 Comment by Desire on Sunday, January 7, 2007 at 11:30:08 PM
Re: The Opal Dream - July 15, 1999 Comment by flameinthesnow on Monday, January 8, 2007 at 12:43:41 AM
Re: The Opal Dream - July 15, 1999 Comment by txbluebonnet on Monday, January 8, 2007 at 2:32:09 AM
Re: The Opal Dream - July 15, 1999 Comment by TerryLynn on Monday, January 8, 2007 at 4:50:06 AM
Re: The Opal Dream - July 15, 1999 Comment by Linda on Monday, January 8, 2007 at 6:27:58 AM
Re: The Opal Dream - July 15, 1999 Comment by flameinthesnow on Monday, January 8, 2007 at 9:08:44 AM
Re: The Opal Dream - July 15, 1999 Comment by Desire on Tuesday, January 9, 2007 at 8:51:51 AM
Re: The Opal Dream - July 15, 1999 Comment by Bryant McGill on Saturday, March 31, 2007 at 10:29:24 AM
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|
|
|
|
McGill RSS Feeds